9/29/2011

领悟

最近生活好像被面子书占去了不少。
每天看着人家贴上无聊的讯息,
搏出头的文字,
炫耀的句子,
突然间,
怀念起了写部落格的日子。
曾经为了post上一篇能够真正表达自己的篇章,
反复思索,绞尽脑汁,
就是要找出最贴切的文字的日子。
何苦?
不为谁,
就是喜欢看着满满文字的一个文章,
回想着写下每一个字的努力。
满足极了。

最近抛掉了多话尖刻的自己。
变得沉默起来。
省话,而爱思考。
觉得没经过深思熟虑的话,
不值得讲了。
变得爱观察,
越深入的观察世界,
越觉得疲累。
因愤怒而疲累。
因此我决定不再观察了,
就买了几本书来看看。
无奈买错了书,
买了《挪威的森林》,
书里,
好多人都死了。
自杀。
即凄惨,又唯美。
死亡美学,
即凄惨,又唯美。
把我的悲观主义推上了另一个层次。
深深地被它影响,
却没办法与人分享。
没有人会明白。
恐怖的,不是死亡。
恐怖的,是无穷无尽的空虚。
更恐怖的,是文字。

我逃避现实,
我懂。
刚刚才懂。
中六,
报考华文,
生活,学业,脑子,被华文重重地束缚。
因此,
我用英文宣泄,
i write in english.
现在,
生活,学业,沟通,交流,问好,呼吸节奏,
都是英文腔调,
开始对这个语文唾弃起来。
从新觉得还是华文最能表达自己。
逃避现实?
也许吧。
刚刚在煮泡面的时候,
忽有领略,
所以匆匆忙忙的,
就把它写下来。
重读自己写过的东西,
觉得自己好自负,
世界把我变得好无情。
我现在,会不会比较有良心了?
菱菱角角,
都被磨平了?
我不知道。

现在每个人都把精神贴在面子书上,
部落格,
仿佛成了我的私人日记,
没人读,没人理。
这样,
其实更好。
他们说我沉默,因为他们不明白我,
了解我以后,会发现我挺多话的,
再进一步了解我,又会领悟到,
我其实,
是沉默的。

好想念许多东西,
从未想过会想念的东西。
想念山,
想念水,
想念沙,
想念岛,
想念清新空气,
想念蔚蓝天空,
想念拂拂海风,
想念清澈海角,
想念他,
想念它,
想念"她",
想念不用想念的日子。
往事,值得留恋。

搁笔。

1/17/2011

skcohs erutluc esrever~ (baca secara gostan)

So...
i've been in Kl for quite some time now..
3 weeks...to be precise...
and the period will no longer lengthen as i'm going back to kb tomorrow...
and i'm sure i'm facing with a reverse culture shock...
firstly...
my slang changed.
i tend to say things in "汉语拼音's 第四声" now...
and to add extra long sound effects by the end of sentence
which is actually unfinished.
as an example..
saying "这里很热" into "哎呀,真的是热到~~~~~~~~~~~ah!"
the lengthened pronunciation last vocal indicates the "extremeness of the situation which cant be equivocally express"
how special~
and also driving ways in kl.
in kl...
driving in lanes is everything.
to drive in ur lane...
it requires extreme coordination of ur brains and body.
lanes avoid accidents on the road.
oh i'll surely suffer while driving in kb after getting use to this.
in kb...
human organs are used differently.
u see...
most drivers still use their eyes to look while driving alright.
but the difference starts here.
the eyes thn send the signal to the ass...
the the ass will itch.
wat do ppl do when they itch?
yes they scratch of course~
thn?
kaboom!
tragedy.
defy "TRAGEDY"
-a couple of cars wrecked a few children dead and a car driver crying over his wrecked car.
and somehow...
in kb...
some ppl dun understand the concept and uses of lanes..
oh wait...
do lanes exist in kb?
in the world that blind driving is so much a popular sports...
where cloth-made head-wears are believed to be even more protective thn helmets..
where divine powers are believed to be protecting sincere devotees..
where 3 keping of red notes can make white-uniformed pak-ciks so happy...
until they relieved u of all ur wrong-doings..
i dun think lanes are something more thn some colourful lines on the road.
kota bharu come sokmo buke?
ah ya and btw...
kl is a city where individualism is a moral so important...
until it saves lives and is the main policy of living.
even kepercayaan kepada tuhan is less important compared to it...
why?
oh there's a gruesome tale behind it.
however that's a tale for another time...
which i planned only to tell after i left kl...
to avoid being a subject of exact revenge...
zzz...
i miss my unique kb slang anyway..
those "讲真eh","si bo","and"nia nia"...
huhu we are sure unique.
amen.